What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 02:13
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Would this be the day?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Why do some men like anal sex?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
How do you say "have fun" in French?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I’m running away I live in Indiana what states near by are safe I’m 12 no comments?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
What is the most gay experience with your dad?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was seconnd youngest,
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So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Who then, do I blame.?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I will be 64.
How can people balance religious beliefs with seeking professional mental health care?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As a teacher, what's the most inappropriate experience you've had with a student?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But ive been too sick for many years..
What did i know ?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
It was going to be , some day.
I waited trembling.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And i lived it daily.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
We were not on the streets..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I think the readers, may guess!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She found it foreign!.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Comes on , in middle age.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
When she asked me how she looked .
Im still living with it.
I said to her
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Was to survive, this bastard.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Put me off passion for life!!
I was very sick at this time too.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He resisted the act ,that day.
I don,t even have a pension.
My family never makes their pension either.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
So whats the point in blame.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As i do to all so called friends.?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Especially a lifetime of it.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He knew the spot.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She loved him until the end.
But, we were locked up after school.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
One cannot live in the past .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I was 9 years of age.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
This is soul school!.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I write beautiful poetry .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
All the time i was locked up.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
(And it was in our own minds.)
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
So, i spoilt her more .
We all went to grammer schools
I was scared of men, in general
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My life is so biszare .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Why did i forgive my father ?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She married twice! .
But it wasn’t much.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Ive learnt so much.
She was in good health!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She wouldn,t have been !
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I have no regrets .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!